January 15, 2020 by Anna

Self Talk

Self Talk? What’s Your’s Sound Like?

Is your self talk friendly or not so much? How are you talking to yourself on a day to day basis?

When it comes to starting something new, like launching a private practice, developing a business plan that meets your specific professional needs, setting boundaries, cleaning and organizing around the house…whatever it is, when you are about to embark on something new, are you empowered by your self talk? Or, are you unmotivated? Does your self talk provide all the reasons why you shouldn’t even try?

Here’s a Self Care/Self Talk Challenge for You Today

I want you to think about 3 things you like about yourself. Yep, 3!

Once you’ve come up with 3 (feel free to add as many more as you wish!) then, I want you to write them down. Maybe jot them on your phone where you can see them. Or, maybe you write them on a piece of paper that you can put somewhere you will see it each day.

Next step is to see them each day at least once. If you can do it more than once that would be great. But, if you can aim for at least once, let’s do that.

Make an effort to see them each day and when you do, I’d like for you to say them to yourself out loud. Now, you may be in a spot where you can’t do this, so, saying it in your mind is just fine for those times. But, when you have a moment alone. I’d like you to say them out loud. Hear yourself speak those words. Hear your self talk say words of affirmation. Instead of negative, pull you down words.

Once you get comfortable doing this, the next step is to start saying these words in front of a mirror. I know, sounds silly, but it works! I’d like you to look yourself in the eyes and repeat each thing you like about yourself. Say it out loud to yourself. Look into your eyes and speak to yourself these positive self talk phrases that you like about yourself.

Really allow yourself a moment to soak these in.

If you allow this to become a ritual. One that is often repeated, I believe your self talk with begin to shift. It will take work on your end but it’s worth it. You are worth it.

Coaching for Personal Growth

If you’d like help with this, please reach out today. I’ve helped many new therapists just starting out reshape their self talk to begin developing the self confidence needed to let their light shine. I’ve also helped new moms that are juggling new roles and varying transitions in their life begin to shift their negative self talk into one that helps them move toward their goals and nourishes them from the inside out.

October 25, 2019 by Anna Leave a Comment

Self Care and Letting Go

Self Care & Letting Go What does it Mean to YOU?

What does letting go mean to you? Do you have self care rituals around the act of letting go?

For some, letting go might mean, let bygones be bygones, don’t let it bother you anymore. For others it might mean releasing held disappointments, anger, hurt, etc, so that you can live a more peaceful life.

For me, and for the purpose of this article, it means letting go of being reactionary when stuck in a trigger cycle. Letting go of old thought and behavior patterns that no longer serve me. That are not me. That are not true.

I’m also talking about letting go in terms of how you might harshly or critically judge/view/blame yourself. And the self care needed to continuously care and nurture yourself during these times.

My Own Journey of Self Care & Letting Go

Let me put this more into context of why I’m writing about this today and my hope that it may inspire you.

Recently, and many times before this recent event, there have been certain triggers in my life that are repeatable themes. And when triggered within me, I tend to go down a spiral of self blame, guilt, defensiveness or argumentativeness…

But, I recently experienced the blessing and gift of clarity. And it’s been huge for me. I will say, it’s not without its struggle, pain, and hurt. It’s also not without feeling of grief of loss in addition to feelings of aloneness and isolation. But, the letting go that was and is so desperately needed and the clarity provided has been essential for my healing. For my self care. For my self care and letting go of what doesn’t serve me. Letting go of what doesn’t allow me to grow. To give myself permission to be the best version of me.

As I am writing this, I want to take a minute to say a little about these repeatable triggers that I’ve identified and continuously working on. While simultaneously gaining more and more self compassion and empathy for the parts of me that need my nurturing and care.

What I came to realize recently is a dynamic (while some of the variables may have changed) where the main storyline is the exact same as it has been for a very long time. A. very. long. time.

But, I was getting caught up in the new variables, getting caught up in the new content. What I mean here is…when I started feeling the trigger within me, I didn’t react. I stayed still. I breathed. I let “it” engulf me. Then “it” being fear/anxiety. All this was quite quick. The uprising of the fear/anxiety happens pretty quickly for me in these specific trigger events. But, as quick as it came this time, I dissipated. I allowed it to rise up, to feel it and then it lessened. That’s when I had a moment to distance myself from it, and to learn more about it. To learn what it needs from me. What care it needs from me. Then I realized…I have choice!

Choice!

Such a beautiful thing. But still…it’s not without its own suffering which is where self care and letting go rituals come into play. And are so very important! I had to learn (and still am learning) how to grieve the grieving parts.

Triggers that Now Have Different Meaning

In the not too far away past, when these triggers would come up within me, I would often go down a road of judging myself. Finding fault in what I’m doing or not doing. Feeling compelled to do and say things to please others at the expense of me. At the expense of these vulnerable parts within me that needed care and I was looking in all the wrong places for someone else to provide that care. And in those trigger moments, when I reacted based on a trigger, I was so far away from caring for myself, so far away from my own self care and the impact was definitely felt internally by me.

The impact would linger in me for a bit. It would usually take the form of bodily sensations along with accompanying thoughts. This used to last a week or two, until it started to change to a couple of days, then one day, then one hour. This was and has been huge! The trigger no longer had a long controlling grip on me, I could respond internally to myself. I could care for myself in those moments.

Now when these triggers spark a hidden anxiety within me, I have learned to turn toward “it.” The “it” being “me!” I have learned not to react outwardly. Not to disown and abandon myself in those moments by responding to others or giving in to manipulation and control maneuvers. I have learned to turn toward me and provide the comfort and nurturing I need during those trigger moments so that those hidden anxiety parts within me are actually seen, known, understood and felt by me.

The letting go part, for me, is about letting go of the reactionary jump to do something, to react, to please someone else, etc. I have learned through continued practice of self care, empathy and compassion that I can let go to what doesn’t serve me and turn inward toward what does…

For you…

My hope for you if you’re still reading this…is that you too identify what self care and letting go rituals are necessary for you to begin or continue your journey toward being the best you, you can be. To shine your light even brighter…

One thing that can help…

For me, clarity came in a few different ways. I’m a big “in my head” person. I like to think through things. Analyze things. Research things. Become curious about things. But, sometimes, I can get stuck in this. I can get stuck in all the swirling around in my head. The contradictory thoughts. The it’s all my fault, I must be wrong spirals…then, one day while in this trigger event, I got a piece of paper and started writing.

Just scribbling down all the thoughts I was having around this certain trigger and certain repeated/familar events. And when I was done (I honestly never even went back to read it) – although if going back and reading it is helpful to you then please do. But for me, I just needed to get it out of my body. To get it out of my head which then released it’s grip in my nervous system. Allowing my body and mind to relax, be joyous, and focus on what brings me peace, comfort, joy and nurturing. It was a true epiphany for me.

Maybe it can be for…if you’re struggling with thoughts around events in your life, circumstances beyond your control, triggers that are popping up…you might consider writing about it.

It doesn’t have to be fancy. It doesn’t have to be structured. Just write. That’s it. Just write.

I have many through coaching create the life they want. If you’d like additional help and want coaching around this so that you can live your best life, please reach out to me today.

October 10, 2019 by Anna Leave a Comment

Setting Personal Goals

Personal Realization of the Benefit of Setting Personal Goals

I wanted to write today about setting goals that are more personal. That are focused not on your practice building but on your self care. On things that make you, YOU. On things that inspire you. Things you’ve always wanted to do.

What I Realized That Was Huge For Me (In Many Different Ways)

For a long while throughout my life, I tended to focus outside of myself. And as a result, I would end up saying yes to things I didn’t want to do. Or, I wouldn’t say yes or no, I would just stay stuck. Then one day I was on a trip (that I honestly didn’t really want to be on but felt obligated). And while on this trip, many things happened that validated all the reasons why I didn’t want to go in the first place. (Has this ever happened to you?)

My norm during these situations was that I would just take it so to speak. Feel like I didn’t have a choice in the matter. That I had to be there to please others and that was the way it was. Until I woke up. Until I pushed myself past the exhaustion I felt – emotional exhaustion that was creating physical tiredness in me – until I pushed myself past this moment of emotional/physical drain and took a step and did something I had been wanting to do. Something that was just for me. And I did. I left that environment and did what I had been wanting to do, a goal I had set in my head, for some time but never did until then.

And when I accomplished this, I felt so good! All of the stressors were still there but I felt different. Inside of me felt different. I wasn’t controlled by outside circumstances. And when I left that trip, I didn’t just have tales of all of the stress that happened. It was actually the total opposite. I didn’t really have a need to focus on all of the things I couldn’t control. All of the negative things that were weighing me down. I actually just felt really good and that’s what I focused on when I left the trip. It really made a huge impact on me.

This is what I want to offer you. What goals do you have that bring you closer to you? That inspire you. That stretch you. That maybe you aren’t the greatest at but the fact that you tried it makes you feel like a rock star.

Spend some time creating these sides of you. I know first hand how it can be just starting out in your profession or starting out in your life as a parent. There’s so much to experience, so much to learn…and there are more parts of you too…more parts of you that make up the whole you! Spend time setting some goals to nurture those parts too.

September 2, 2019 by Anna

Ever Talk Yourself Out of Things?

How to NOT Talk Yourself Out of Things

Have you ever done this? Talked yourself right out of things you’ve been wanting to do?

It’s been a dream of mine to help coach new therapists around self care but boy oh boy did I struggle at times with almost talking myself right out of my dream. And can I tell you how glad I am that I didn’t succeed! I so love coaching and helping new therapists. I couldn’t imagine not doing this. But there was a time that I almost succeeded out of believing in my dream.

Don’t let yourself succeed in talking yourself right out of your dreams. Talking yourself out of things that you want in your life. Things that will help you have the life you envision.

Tips To Not Talk Yourself Out of Things

Here are some quick tips on how to help not talk yourself out of your dreams.

What’s your why?
What are your goals?
What support do you need?

Knowing Your Why

This is so important. Especially when you are having a down day or a down week. Know why you are doing this. What do you want to help offer in people’s lives. What’s your purpose for doing what you do? Help shift your mindset by putting your focus on your why. Especially on those days that are harder than others. Having your why front and center can help you take the steps needed during those harder days.

Goals

Organize your goals. Write them down. Don’t get too stuck on these but instead use them as a guide to help keep you on track. And feel more than free to adjust as needed. But also remember to include your why in this. When you write your goals, keep your why in mind…all of these build on each other so keep each in mind, side by side.

Finding Support

Find people who support you. Who can help you. Who can keep you accountable and also who you can bounce ideas off of. People that will encourage, support and motivate you. Give you a boost when you need it.