October 25, 2019 by Anna Leave a Comment

Self Care and Letting Go

Self Care & Letting Go What does it Mean to YOU?

What does letting go mean to you? Do you have self care rituals around the act of letting go?

For some, letting go might mean, let bygones be bygones, don’t let it bother you anymore. For others it might mean releasing held disappointments, anger, hurt, etc, so that you can live a more peaceful life.

For me, and for the purpose of this article, it means letting go of being reactionary when stuck in a trigger cycle. Letting go of old thought and behavior patterns that no longer serve me. That are not me. That are not true.

I’m also talking about letting go in terms of how you might harshly or critically judge/view/blame yourself. And the self care needed to continuously care and nurture yourself during these times.

My Own Journey of Self Care & Letting Go

Let me put this more into context of why I’m writing about this today and my hope that it may inspire you.

Recently, and many times before this recent event, there have been certain triggers in my life that are repeatable themes. And when triggered within me, I tend to go down a spiral of self blame, guilt, defensiveness or argumentativeness…

But, I recently experienced the blessing and gift of clarity. And it’s been huge for me. I will say, it’s not without its struggle, pain, and hurt. It’s also not without feeling of grief of loss in addition to feelings of aloneness and isolation. But, the letting go that was and is so desperately needed and the clarity provided has been essential for my healing. For my self care. For my self care and letting go of what doesn’t serve me. Letting go of what doesn’t allow me to grow. To give myself permission to be the best version of me.

As I am writing this, I want to take a minute to say a little about these repeatable triggers that I’ve identified and continuously working on. While simultaneously gaining more and more self compassion and empathy for the parts of me that need my nurturing and care.

What I came to realize recently is a dynamic (while some of the variables may have changed) where the main storyline is the exact same as it has been for a very long time. A. very. long. time.

But, I was getting caught up in the new variables, getting caught up in the new content. What I mean here is…when I started feeling the trigger within me, I didn’t react. I stayed still. I breathed. I let “it” engulf me. Then “it” being fear/anxiety. All this was quite quick. The uprising of the fear/anxiety happens pretty quickly for me in these specific trigger events. But, as quick as it came this time, I dissipated. I allowed it to rise up, to feel it and then it lessened. That’s when I had a moment to distance myself from it, and to learn more about it. To learn what it needs from me. What care it needs from me. Then I realized…I have choice!

Choice!

Such a beautiful thing. But still…it’s not without its own suffering which is where self care and letting go rituals come into play. And are so very important! I had to learn (and still am learning) how to grieve the grieving parts.

Triggers that Now Have Different Meaning

In the not too far away past, when these triggers would come up within me, I would often go down a road of judging myself. Finding fault in what I’m doing or not doing. Feeling compelled to do and say things to please others at the expense of me. At the expense of these vulnerable parts within me that needed care and I was looking in all the wrong places for someone else to provide that care. And in those trigger moments, when I reacted based on a trigger, I was so far away from caring for myself, so far away from my own self care and the impact was definitely felt internally by me.

The impact would linger in me for a bit. It would usually take the form of bodily sensations along with accompanying thoughts. This used to last a week or two, until it started to change to a couple of days, then one day, then one hour. This was and has been huge! The trigger no longer had a long controlling grip on me, I could respond internally to myself. I could care for myself in those moments.

Now when these triggers spark a hidden anxiety within me, I have learned to turn toward “it.” The “it” being “me!” I have learned not to react outwardly. Not to disown and abandon myself in those moments by responding to others or giving in to manipulation and control maneuvers. I have learned to turn toward me and provide the comfort and nurturing I need during those trigger moments so that those hidden anxiety parts within me are actually seen, known, understood and felt by me.

The letting go part, for me, is about letting go of the reactionary jump to do something, to react, to please someone else, etc. I have learned through continued practice of self care, empathy and compassion that I can let go to what doesn’t serve me and turn inward toward what does…

For you…

My hope for you if you’re still reading this…is that you too identify what self care and letting go rituals are necessary for you to begin or continue your journey toward being the best you, you can be. To shine your light even brighter…

One thing that can help…

For me, clarity came in a few different ways. I’m a big “in my head” person. I like to think through things. Analyze things. Research things. Become curious about things. But, sometimes, I can get stuck in this. I can get stuck in all the swirling around in my head. The contradictory thoughts. The it’s all my fault, I must be wrong spirals…then, one day while in this trigger event, I got a piece of paper and started writing.

Just scribbling down all the thoughts I was having around this certain trigger and certain repeated/familar events. And when I was done (I honestly never even went back to read it) – although if going back and reading it is helpful to you then please do. But for me, I just needed to get it out of my body. To get it out of my head which then released it’s grip in my nervous system. Allowing my body and mind to relax, be joyous, and focus on what brings me peace, comfort, joy and nurturing. It was a true epiphany for me.

Maybe it can be for…if you’re struggling with thoughts around events in your life, circumstances beyond your control, triggers that are popping up…you might consider writing about it.

It doesn’t have to be fancy. It doesn’t have to be structured. Just write. That’s it. Just write.

I have many through coaching create the life they want. If you’d like additional help and want coaching around this so that you can live your best life, please reach out to me today.

October 10, 2019 by Anna Leave a Comment

Setting Personal Goals

Personal Realization of the Benefit of Setting Personal Goals

I wanted to write today about setting goals that are more personal. That are focused not on your practice building but on your self care. On things that make you, YOU. On things that inspire you. Things you’ve always wanted to do.

What I Realized That Was Huge For Me (In Many Different Ways)

For a long while throughout my life, I tended to focus outside of myself. And as a result, I would end up saying yes to things I didn’t want to do. Or, I wouldn’t say yes or no, I would just stay stuck. Then one day I was on a trip (that I honestly didn’t really want to be on but felt obligated). And while on this trip, many things happened that validated all the reasons why I didn’t want to go in the first place. (Has this ever happened to you?)

My norm during these situations was that I would just take it so to speak. Feel like I didn’t have a choice in the matter. That I had to be there to please others and that was the way it was. Until I woke up. Until I pushed myself past the exhaustion I felt – emotional exhaustion that was creating physical tiredness in me – until I pushed myself past this moment of emotional/physical drain and took a step and did something I had been wanting to do. Something that was just for me. And I did. I left that environment and did what I had been wanting to do, a goal I had set in my head, for some time but never did until then.

And when I accomplished this, I felt so good! All of the stressors were still there but I felt different. Inside of me felt different. I wasn’t controlled by outside circumstances. And when I left that trip, I didn’t just have tales of all of the stress that happened. It was actually the total opposite. I didn’t really have a need to focus on all of the things I couldn’t control. All of the negative things that were weighing me down. I actually just felt really good and that’s what I focused on when I left the trip. It really made a huge impact on me.

This is what I want to offer you. What goals do you have that bring you closer to you? That inspire you. That stretch you. That maybe you aren’t the greatest at but the fact that you tried it makes you feel like a rock star.

Spend some time creating these sides of you. I know first hand how it can be just starting out in your profession or starting out in your life as a parent. There’s so much to experience, so much to learn…and there are more parts of you too…more parts of you that make up the whole you! Spend time setting some goals to nurture those parts too.

September 2, 2019 by Anna

Ever Talk Yourself Out of Things?

How to NOT Talk Yourself Out of Things

Have you ever done this? Talked yourself right out of things you’ve been wanting to do?

It’s been a dream of mine to help coach new therapists around self care but boy oh boy did I struggle at times with almost talking myself right out of my dream. And can I tell you how glad I am that I didn’t succeed! I so love coaching and helping new therapists. I couldn’t imagine not doing this. But there was a time that I almost succeeded out of believing in my dream.

Don’t let yourself succeed in talking yourself right out of your dreams. Talking yourself out of things that you want in your life. Things that will help you have the life you envision.

Tips To Not Talk Yourself Out of Things

Here are some quick tips on how to help not talk yourself out of your dreams.

What’s your why?
What are your goals?
What support do you need?

Knowing Your Why

This is so important. Especially when you are having a down day or a down week. Know why you are doing this. What do you want to help offer in people’s lives. What’s your purpose for doing what you do? Help shift your mindset by putting your focus on your why. Especially on those days that are harder than others. Having your why front and center can help you take the steps needed during those harder days.

Goals

Organize your goals. Write them down. Don’t get too stuck on these but instead use them as a guide to help keep you on track. And feel more than free to adjust as needed. But also remember to include your why in this. When you write your goals, keep your why in mind…all of these build on each other so keep each in mind, side by side.

Finding Support

Find people who support you. Who can help you. Who can keep you accountable and also who you can bounce ideas off of. People that will encourage, support and motivate you. Give you a boost when you need it.

July 14, 2019 by Anna 1 Comment

Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome Impacts Us All

Imposter syndrome…we all have it. Please know that! It’s just another fear based thought that pops up and can paralyze us into non-action. But, the main question is…do you believe it?

Since imposter syndrome is universal…we all have some version of it…some version of, “I can’t do that until I get x, y, z training. I can’t do that because_____.” However this part of you speaks to you, the main question is…do you listen, and do you believe it?

What I’d like you to consider is that you don’t have to believe it! Imposter syndrome is common and it usually shows up when we are stretching ourselves. When we are doing something new. When we are following our dreams…there’s an interconnectedness in it, meaning, you’re not alone. And knowing this, my hope is that it helps take the immobilizing fear of action out of it.

It’s just a part. It’s not all of you!

When you stop and think about it, this part is there because you do care so much. You do want to do a great job and serve your clients and family the best you can.

This part isn’t to be feared, what’s needed is to understand it better. And that it’s not you. It’s just a part of you. It’s a thought that a part of you is believing. And that part that believes it needs understanding and nurturing so that it doesn’t run the show and lead you into inaction.

Action Steps When Imposter Syndrome Pops Up

Recognize it’s just a part of you. It’s a thought that pops up that a part of you believes.
See if you can identify and become curious about this part of you. Why is it there? What does it want you to know? What are it’s fears? Chances are this part really needs to be heard by you so by turning inward and toward this part, you can start to become curious and learn more about why it’s there. This will also help create some distance between you and this part of you. Helping you to see that it’s not all of you that believes this, it’s a part of you. An aspect of you. One side of you. You are more than this part and more than this thought.
Take an action. Take one small action whether that’s starting one small task, writing down goals or ideas, sending an email, writing copy for your website, cleaning out your bedroom closet, whatever it is…take one action step even if your imposter syndrome part is making you feel paralyzed, after doing the above two action steps…do this 3rd one also.
Keep reminding yourself, whether you write yourself notes and put them where you can see them often, or you say it quietly to yourself, that you are taking steps toward having the life you dream of. Remember your WHY. Why are you doing this? What’s your purpose. And have that as your focus to help ground you when you need to connect back to it.

Coaching Help

I’d love to help you if you’re needing help. Reach out today to learn more about how we can work together. Coaching is such a wonderful way to help build accountability and also to have someone there to help along the way toward building the life you dream of.